Hitchhiking the bible -or- Fancy new Introduction

The Holy and Sacred Bible is a Wholly Remarkable book. Not only is it a wholly remarkable book, it is also a highly successful one-More popular than 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, better selling than the Secret, and more controversial than Joseph Smiths trilogy of Theological blockbusters, The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price.

In many of the far eastern civilizations of the Jewish Homeland the Christian Bible has already supplanted the Torah, aka the Old Testament as the standard repository of all knowledge and spiritual wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.

First it is slightly longer, telling the story of a gleefully less vengeful deity than it’s predecessor; and second, it has the words ‘Jesus Saves’ inscribed lovingly in large friendly letters on its cover.

In the Beginning...Director's Commentary

A friend of mine, a 'born-again' reverend asked me to share with him if I would, what I think Gnosticism is. I thought about it long and hard and in the midst of my thinking a statement made by Bishop Stephan Hoeller continued to run through my head "Gnostics tend to observe the Zen axiom that those who know don't say, and those who say don't know."
So after much thought I came to the conclusion that rather then quote 'scripture' back and forth with him I'd simply give him the 'creation' myth as I see it. Now like any of these blogs they are all subject to change pending new information or corrections of grammer.

So here is MY creation myth:


“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
~Douglas Adams

This to me makes a lot of sense. If you go back to that beginning, and imagine if you will we’re watching it together from the comfort of your couch with some fancy new never before heard ‘director’s commentary.’ Sort of like watching a DVD bonus feature. I think it would sound a little something like this:

…And God looked down from on high and admired all that he had created. Light, dark, Lion, Lamb and oh yes a beautiful garden home for them to reside in. ‘it was good.’
For his next feet he decided to create Man. And suddenly man was beamed into existence. Then God thought “Man I’m great, lets give him someone to play with.”
And thus woman was created. Now God being god decided that this newly formed man and woman needed some guidance. So he set down some rules for them to abide by. Being that there wasn’t a lot to do he only gave them two:

First, In all of my spendor here in this 'Eden' I've created for you to enjoy I’ve also created one tree with fruits so desirable that to eat them would literally alter your existence as you know it. But I want you to avoid said tree with all cost. To eat it is bad.

Second: I want you to ‘be fruitful and multiply’.

Now right from the beginning the loving and benevolent God from on high has put the universe in opposition for the recently created pair.
“how are we suppose to ‘multiply’ oh great and powerful creator?" Asked Man "You’ve not shown us the way to do so. Are we to split ourselves in two like the ameba? Or perhaps budding, maybe like some sort of asexual fungus?”

God stumbling for a second, coughed nervously and replied. “uh … well, you can’t, at least not until you eat the fruit of the forbidden tree. Which I absolutely don’t want you to do. So don’t even think about it.”

“But”, says man

“No buts about it.” Says God, “those are my rules and don’t you dare think about breaking them.”

Some time later, as to how much time we can’t be sure because to the best of our knowledge at that time in history there really wasn’t any real ‘time’ to speak of. Or if there was there was no one to keep track of it.

So… some time later, as the story goes a snake appeared in the garden to the more attractive of it’s human inhabitants and said, “Hey, wake up. Haven’t you figured it out yet?”
“Figured what out?” replied Eve.
“This, all of this!" Waiving his arms like he had any. "It’s a set-up, a sham. He’s messin’ with you.”
“Who?” said Eve.
“the big guy, the ‘loving and benevolent one’ upstairs. Ya know the guy who says, do this and do that but don’t really do that! What a crock!” hissed the snake. “You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t! Hey I like that. I’m gonna coin it.” The snake laughing to himself.

Eve (again the lovelier of the two of the gardens ‘chosen’ mammals) for the first time in her life did something she had never done before. She thought for herself. Then immediately reached up, grabbed and picked the forbidden apple and bit into it like there was no tomorrow. Which by the way, in the garden of Eden there never really was any ‘tomorrows’ to speak of as we mentioned earlier.

She bit into the apple like it was her first time eating an apple, which in fact it was! So needless to say it was delicious. And suddenly within her a spark began to grow, a spark that had never been there before or at least had laid dormant inside of her until now. With the Glory and knowledge that came with this newly formed spark she decided she wanted to share this new found wisdom with her beloved male counterpart.

Eve ran through the garden. And for the first time the curtains had been lifted from her eyes and she no longer saw it as a beautiful and wonderful ‘paradise’ she had always thought it was but rather as a prison. A cell designed to prevent her from reaching her full potential. A cell that she knew she was soon going to be free from. And the warden over her would soon no longer be able to dictate her every move.
She arrived in front of her beloved Adam and for the first time he looked upon her in a way he never had before. He saw a beauty about her that had never been there before, Despite the fact that she was by far the loveliest of all inhabitants in the Garden Paradise. But something about her had changed.

“What’s different about you today my darling?” Adam inquired of Eve.
She said not a word but held out her hand and showed him the apple. He paused nervously for a moment gazing down on the apple, and then up at her, and then down at the apple again.
“What is it like?” he asked
“There are no words in our vocabulary that can describe it. You have to find out for yourself.”
And Adam wanting to experience what Eve did took the apple from her, bit into it and suddenly the mysteries of the universe were revealed to him. The truths he had never known. The lies that were passed off as truths began to show themselves to him. The spark within him bloomed like a flower in the sun. For the first time Adam too had also thought for himself.
He then took the hand of his radiant bride and together they left the garden. Not once looking back to see what they had left behind because they in fact knew they were leaving nothing.

~Please hit your menu button to return to the main program or insert disc two for the rest of your bonus features

Revisiting the Galaxy

I've decided to revise my second post (the answer to life the universe and everything) alittle. The meat of the post won't change any but there are some things I do need to clear up and straighten out.

I also need to use this blog alittle more as it is. I created it with the full intent of writing in it but haven't really done so as I'd like to. I need to step up on that a bit.

Logo/Emblem

I made this. And it's quite fetching if I do say so myself!

~I'm just sayin'

The Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything

An excerpt from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (paraphrased for specific content but not omitting any of importance):

Many many millions of years ago a race of hyperintelligent pandimensional beings got so fed up with the constant bickering about the meaning of life, the universe, and everything that they decided to sit down and solve their problems once and for all.
And in the end they built themselves a stupendous super computer which was so amazingly intelligent that even before its data banks had been connected up it had started from I think therefore I am and got as far as deducing the existence of rice pudding and income tax before anyone managed to turn it off.
On the day of the Great On-Turning two soberly dressed programmers with briefcases arrived and were shown discreetly into the office. They were aware that this day they would represent their entire race in its greatest moment, but they conducted themselves calmly and quietly as they seated themselves deferentially before the desk.
Their names were Lunkwill and Fook.
For a few moments they sat in respectful silence, then, after exchanging a quiet glance with Fook, Lunkwill leaned forward and touched a small black panel.
The subtlest of hums indicated that the massive computer was now in total active mode. After a pause it spoke to them in a voice rich, resonant and deep.
It said: “What is this great task for which I, Deep Thought, the second greatest computer in time and space, have been called into existence?”
“Oh Deep Thought computer,” Fook said, “the task we have designed you to perform is this. We want you to tell us...” he paused, “the Answer!”
“The Answer?” Said Deep Thought. “The Answer to what?”
“Life!” urged Fook.
“The Universe!” said Lunkwill.
“Everything!” they said in chorus.
Deep Thought paused for a moment’s reflection.
“Tricky,” he said finally.
“But you can do it?”
“Yes” said Deep Thought. “I can do it”
“There is an answer?” said Fook with breathless excitement.
“A simple answer?” added Lunkwill.
“Yes,” said Deep Thought. “Life, the Universe, and Everything. There is an answer. But,” he added, “I’ll have to think about it.”

Slight jump ahead in the story, Deep Thought told him it would take seven and a half million years and to come back then for the answer.

Seven and a half million years later...

“Good morning,” said Deep Thought at last.
“Er...good morning, O Deep Thought,” said Loonquawl nervously,
“Do you have...er, that is...”
“An answer for you?” interrupted Deep Thought majestically. “Yes. I have.”
The two men shivered with expectancy. Their waiting had not been in vain.
“There really is one?” breathed Phouchg.
“To Everything? To the great question of Life, the Universe and Everything?”
“Yes, though I don’t think,” added Deep Thought, “that you’re going to like it.”
“Doesn’t matter!” said Phouchg. “We must know it! Now!”
“All right,” said Deep Thought. “The Answer to the Great Question¼”
“Yes...!”
“Of Life, the Universe and Everything¼” Said Deep Thought.
“Yes...!”
“Is...” said Deep Thought, and paused.
“Yes...!”
“Is...”
“Yes...!!!...?”
“Forty-two,” said Deep Thought with infinite majesty and calm.

“Forty-two!” yelled Loonquawl. “Is that all you’ve got to show for seven and a half million years’ work?”
“I checked it very thoroughly,” said the computer, “And that quite definitely is the answer. I think the problem, to be quite honest with you, is that you’ve never actually known what the question is.”
“But it was the Great Question! The Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything,” howled Loonquawl.
“Yes,” said Deep Thought with an air of one who suffers fools gladly,
“but what actually is it?”
“A slow stupefied silence crept over the men as they stared at the computer and then at each other.
“Well, you know, it’s just Everything...everything...” offered Phouchg weakly.
“Exactly!” said Deep Thought. “So once you do know what the question actually is, you’ll know what the answer means.”

Forty-two is a silly answer. People read the book or watch one of the other popular incarnations of the Hitchhiker’s saga that have been produced in the last 25 or so years and generally either laugh, or get annoyed with the story at this point. Or read on hoping to find out what the question is. The characters from the story then end up scouring the galaxy in search of the Ultimate Question only to never come across it.

I recently only came across the acclaimed works of the recently deceased and still infinitely brilliant Douglas Adams. I’ve also spent the last few years of my life trying to find some sort of deeper religious meaning, or even a shallow one that fits into, or at the very least can explain why I feel the way I have always felt about Life, The Universe, and Everything. I’ve Found It!

It all started, and ended, with a verse from what is known as The Gospel of Thomas.

“Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel, and will reign over all. [And after they have reigned they will rest.]”

So what is The Gospel of Thomas?

The Gospel of Thomas is the modern name given to a New Testament-era apocryphon completely preserved in a papyrus Coptic manuscript discovered in 1945 at Nag Hammadi, Egypt. Unlike the four canonical Gospels, which combine narrative accounts of the life of Jesus with sayings, Thomas is a "sayings gospel". It takes the less structured form of a collection of sayings attributed to Jesus, brief dialogues with Jesus, and sayings that some of his disciples reported to Didymus Judas Thomas. Thomas does not have a narrative framework, nor is it worked into any overt philosophical or rhetorical context.

The work comprises 114 sayings attributed to Jesus. Some of these sayings resemble those found in the four canonical Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). Others were unknown until its discovery, and a few of these run counter to sayings found in the four canonical gospels.

So why if the Gospel of Thomas is a genuine text as those of the Bible is it not in the Bible?

For an explanation of that one has to know a fair bit about the history of religion and the creation/organization of the bible itself. Which to anyone who does know a fair bit about the history of religion it is best to begin with the Council of Nicaea.

Well what is the Council of Nicaea?

The First Council of Nicaea, convoked by the Roman Emperor Constantine I in 325, was the first ecumenical conference of bishops of the Christian Church.
The purpose of the council (also called a synod) was to resolve disagreements in the Church of Alexandria over the nature of Jesus in relationship to the Father; in particular, whether Jesus was of the same or of similar substance as God the Father. St. Alexander of Alexandria took the first position; the popular presbyter Arius, from whom the term Arian controversy comes, took the second. The council decided against the Arians overwhelmingly (of the estimated 250-318 attendees, all but 2 voted against Arius). Another result of the council was an agreement on the date of the Christian Passover, now called Easter, the most important feast of the Church's life. The council decided in favour of celebrating Passover on the first Sunday after the first full moon following the vernal equinox, independently of the Bible's Hebrew Calendar, and authorized the Bishop of Alexandria (presumably using the Alexandrian calendar) to announce annually the exact date to his fellow bishops.

The Council of Nicaea was historically significant because it was the first effort to attain consensus in the church through an assembly representing all of Christendom. "It was the first occasion for the development of technical Christology." Further, "Constantine in convoking and presiding over the council signaled a measure of imperial control over the church." With the creation of the Nicene Creed, a precedent was established for subsequent general councils to create a statement of belief and canons which were intended to become guidelines for doctrinal orthodoxy and a source of unity for the whole of Christendom — a momentous event in the history of the Church and subsequent history of Europe.

So the Gospel of Thomas wasn’t deemed suitable for what ended up being the biblical canon we have today.

Okay, well, now that you’ve educated me on a bit of religious history, what does this have to do with that rather large excerpt you wrote four pages ago about Douglas Adams and the wholly remarkable book The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

Well, when I decide to go about getting myself into something I tend to jump in head first. I want to engulf myself, immerse myself, and educate myself on the subject thus making me an absolute authority. I tend to obsess. My curiosity for knowledge knows no bounds. No matter how minuscule and most importantly no matter how silly.
So when a little over a year or so ago I first happened across his works I jumped in with the very same level of curiosity, enthusiasm, and obsessiveness that I previously stated I do.

So here is a bit of information about Douglas Adams:


His fans and friends knew Adams as an environmental activist, a self-described "radical atheist" and a lover of fast cars, cameras, the Macintosh computer, and other "techno gizmos." He was a keen technologist, using such inventions as e-mail and Usenet before they became widely popular, or even widely known.
Toward the end of his life, he was a sought-after lecturer on topics including technology and the environment. Since his death at the age of 49, he is still widely revered in science fiction and fantasy fandom circles.

The part that pops out to me is the bit in the first line that says he was an environmental activist, a self-described "radical atheist". While I’ve been reading the Hitchhiker’s series it’s become more than apparent to me that if Douglas Adams WAS an atheist he wasn’t a very good one.
I would think it safe to say, and since it’s simply my opinion I will, that it is more likely he was a Gnostic. His writings sway far too far into gnostic thinking for him to be (at least in my mind) anything but.

So what is a Gnostic/Gnosticism?

Gnosticism is a term created by modern scholars to describe a collection of religious groups, many of which thought of themselves as Christians, which were active in the first few centuries AD. There has been considerable scholarly controversy about exactly which groups to describe with this term. There is dispute among scholars on the extent to which early groups may have described themselves using the term "gnostikoi". Sometimes the term gnosticism is reserved for groups that might have used it to describe themselves, but often the term is used more widely to identify groups emphasizing the salvific benefit of individual wisdom.
The term gnosis is a Greek word expressing a type of understanding or consciousness gained through personal experience. It is through this type of transcendental experience that followers of Gnostic belief systems seek escape from ignorance.

This is the very description of most of, if not all of the characters within the Hitchhiker’s series.
I don’t think it is any coincidence that I, all at the same time, decided I needed to go and discover for myself who God was, (find religion), come across all things Hitchhiker’s and discover this whole new world of ‘gnosis’.

So quit dragging it on already, tell us what it all means, Please!

Here is the answer...To Life, the Universe and Everything:

Forty-two! Yes that’s really it, and it’s a simple one.
But what is Forty-two?
I was talking to a friend of mine the other night when it dawned on me what it was. I previously stated that it was my belief that Douglas Adams was on some level a Gnostic. One of the most prevalent of Gnostic texts IS that of the Gospel of Thomas. You with me so far? In The Gospel of Thomas, verse 42 it reads: “Yeshua (Jesus) said Be a Passerbye.”**

Well what does that mean? (Deep Thought said you weren’t going to like it.)
Deep Thought also said, “So once you do know what the question actually is, you’ll know what the answer means.”
Jesus also taught that we’re to be in the world, not of the world. So the question is, What does it mean to be in the world and not of the world? Many Christian religions have tried to answer that question. Some have gone to great measure to figure this out and create all sorts of rules and regulations for what that actually means and how not to be ‘of the world’. Many view it as avoiding temptation and so on and so forth. You all know what your own beliefs have taught you. But it is my opinion that THAT is the question to the ultimate answer. What does it mean to be in the world and not of the world? The Answer: Be a Passerbye.

We are put on this earth to learn and gain experience. But what’s the point of that learning? Religions teach that without the Bible, the Torah, the Book of Mormon or whatever your background may be, that all you need to get to heaven is to follow the teachings of those holy books right? Well if that’s all, why than do we get so caught up in the other nonsensical humdrum of everyday life that is everything else? Work, politics, sporting events and so on? It’s all counterproductive to what religion tells us is important. We should avoid those. Worrying about the environment, what big business is doing to small business, Who’s organizing to protest this over there. We should throw those out as well. Worrying about what celebrity is dating which other celebrity and how can I best mimic their impeccable fashion sense and other such nonsense. We could do without those too. It’s not important. Not according to the popular texts anyway. In fact we could pretty much do without most things. It honestly has very little of not nothing to do with sex, drugs, smoking, watching violent movies, donating what to which charity and so forth. It’s not important. They may not be good for you but God never said that, Man did.

But lets imagine what would happen if Mankind were to suddenly all become passersbye. No one would go to work, no one would pay their bills, no one would worry about who’s dating who. We’d all just sit. Do nothing too terribly exciting, contemplate and maybe further study the other meanings of the universe in some sort of Zen like ‘hippie state’ that would, in a sense, put in jeopardy all of society as we know it. There’d be no one to enforce order because we wouldn’t need any order. All those who are currently (or futuristically) in control would no longer have any power because there’d be no one left to control. We wouldn’t need the controllers, the rule makers, the law makers, the wardens, advertising execs telling us what toothpastes to buy and so on. Class levels in society would disappear because there’d be no rich and no poor, and without either, rich people who like to tell people who make less then them what to do because then can, wouldn’t be. There’d be no need or reason for money to put any one person above or below anyone else.

In essence, our world as we know it would collapse. It would cease to be. It would be the end of everything as we now know it to be; Life, the Universe, and Everything. And Douglas Adams knew it. He illustrates it beautifully in the books. That’s why the secret will never get out. Not in any way that will be taken seriously that is. It’s cleverly disguised in a work of fiction where such a notion will likely stay. The realm of fantasy. That’s why no matter how hard people look for the Answer there will always be someone who disagrees, calling it pure fictional nonsense. There will always be someone who swats you down, someone who’s going to try to prevent you from achieving ‘enlightenment’. And who knows, if the whole world were in fact to subscribe to this, ‘lets just be nice to everybody and not care about everything else’ attitude God himself may come back and say “My Chosen people, you have achieved enlightenment, you have figured out that which I put you here to learn,” and quite possibly a golden age of humanity could/would begin. There’d be no more wars, No more anything. Anything of consequence that is. I have the answer, I know what I’m going to do with it. What would you do with that same information?

“Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel, and will reign over all. And after they have reigned they will rest.”
~Jesus Christ (as written in the Gospel of Thomas)



**It (TGoT) also translates to read “Be wanders,” or, much less likely, “come into being as you pass away”. A parallel to the saying appears in an inscription from the mosque at Fatehpur Sikri, India: “Jesus said, ‘This world is a bridge. Pass over it, but do not build your dwelling there.” (a.k.a. be a hitchhiker!)

From the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -or- First introductions

First entry, fourth blog. And since it’s become a tradition for me to do this on all my blogs, I might as well continue it here. And I think it fits quite appropriately anyway, so why not? So for my first entry, (on blogger) what better way to begin than with an entry from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

~I'm just sayin'

Here's what the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has to say on Blogging:

Blog·ging - Blogging is the act of regularly updating your website with some humdrum information about your life or a link to something you just read on the internet in the mistaken belief that anyone actually cares.
It is the 21st century equivalent of hanging around railway stations, writing pithy but erudite descriptions of the passing trains. To take part in "blogging" or to use the appropriate terminology "to join the blogosphere" there are a couple of things you need to do. Firstly, you'll need to increase the size of your ego. Without a swollen ego you simply cannot achieve the levels of solipsism required by a modern blog. This necessary step is often missed by new bloggers, yet without it, you won't believe that anyone is remotely interested in what you've had for lunch today, how cute your cat Mittens is, or whether or not you designed some tedious internet protocol.
In fact blogging without a nova-sized ego can actually be dangerous. If you start using words like blogosphere there is a very real possibility that your own major intestine will leap straight up through your neck and throttle your brain in an attempt to preserve civilization. Fortunately there are various forms of medication to increase the size of your ego, many offering a money back guarantee that you will be at least twice as obnoxious in four weeks or less.
Until you are sufficiently obnoxious, you might feel the need to explain or at the very least describe the things you link to. Experienced bloggers know that they are so important that readers will blindly follow their links. After all, a few seconds of one blogger's time is clearly more valuable than all the time spent by people discovering they really didn't care. The other thing you should do to become a successful blogger, is change your website to use dotted lines and unreadable tiny fonts, wherever possible.